Day 24

So it has been a week or a little over since I posted last. .  .Why you say? Because today is only the second day that I have felt human again. Been sick since last Friday. Meds doctor put me on didn't help. Holiday weekend = long, miserable, suffering. Tuesday new meds. . . SO needless to say thank the Lord I am on the mend.
Today was a super busy day. Becca to school. home change Chloe. off to church for MMO. Then to BJ's for diapers and gas. then to bank. on the lifeway. five and below. then back to get Chloe from church. ON to Langley to look for Becca a dress to wear to graduation then look for a camera (got both). Then back to get Becca at 1:30. Home to SIT DOWN. Sweet new friend brought over dinner tonight. I feel as though God has truly blessed me with some special people in my life who He has put there to get me through this time without Chris. I miss him so much. Seeing people putting things about date night and stuff makes my heart ache for him to be home.
This verse keeps coming to my mind Jeremiah 29:11 says:
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
He knows my future so I am going to try my best to not worry and rely on Him to carry me through.
Time for bed. (though still not sleeping)

Day 3

May 13th 2011,

SO this is all new to me this blogging stuff however I am going to try it during this deployment to help keep my sanity. , ,

So it is now day three since we took Chris to board the ship for a 7-8 month deployment. This is the first deployment of this length in our 8 years of marriage. The past 2 years have been work ups but the longest of them was 34 days so nothing like this. I thought and felt like I was going to be OK and not cry and it wouldn't feel any different however when he got that sea bag out of my car and hugged me goodbye I lost it. As I drove away I felt that half of my heart was boarding that ship and the other half is here with my children. We drove home Chloe went to sleep and Becca talked the entire 30 minute trip home asking why daddy had to go out to sea. That is something that is hard to explain to a 6 year old. All day on Wednesday every time I tried to eat I got sick, things fell apart that had been planned and when that happened the tears flowed again. Wednesday night I fixed the girls dinner and went to clean up and dropped the entire chicken on the floor which the dog thoroughly enjoyed but made me feel so bad. Thursday we had MOPS what a blessing that is to me. A time to talk to other mommies. I have made so many great and awesome friends in this group and the lifted me up yesterday and it was so needed. Though by the time I got to the parking lot after MOPS I had developed a migraine I can only say that God got me to the school to pick Becca up early and then home because as soon as we got to the drive I slung the door open and got sick. I could barely lift my head up all evening.

Today - Friday - I was on facebook and it makes me so sad to see my friends setting up and planning date nights with their husbands. I miss Chris more than I ever thought that I would but I know that God will keep him safe and bring him home soon to us.

I will close this blog with this verse for this is my promise from the Lord.

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

Day 17

It has been a rough and trying week. Becca is trying my patience to the point of no end. We got her graduation pictures this week and when I opened them I cried, I cried for my baby is growing up and I cried that her daddy is missing these things. Yesterday (Thursday) was the last MOPS of the year and that was sad in its self I love those ladies and they help me survive. I gave my testimony yesterday there and cried through the entire thing. It is hard getting up in front of people opening up as though you are unclothed in front of them and bearing your soul to them. I just hope that something I said will bring honor and glory to my Lord. Chris has not e-mailed or called for 3 days so I didn't know what was going on. I had still been e-mailing him. I woke up this morning sick, I noticed on Thursday night my lymph nodes where swollen and my throat was a little scratchy. When the scratchy did not go away by lunch time I called and got an appt I did not want to go this 3 day weekend and be sick. I had to go pick Becca up early to make it to my appt. I got there and the doctor said that my tonsils look "yucky" so antibiotic for 10 days (yay me). I am really missing Chris I wish that he was here sitting on the couch letting me lay my head on his lap, trying to make me feel better. My neck is still swollen and it hurts to even touch the pillow. Chris finally got to call at around 7pm tonight he told me I sounded down and told me to talk to him. I said what do you want me to say. . . I miss you, I feel bad, and I am tired. (I have still not been sleeping.) He told me to feel better and try not to get down. . . we shall see. . .

This coming Thursday I am meeting up with Wives of Faith ladies up in this area at a local coffee shop (I hope Chloe behaves) I think that this will also help me with another outlet and women who are or have gone through this. The Wives of Faith ladies are starting a bible study on June 6th called Tour of Duty and I am looking forward to starting it.

I found out Tuesday that I pretty much have a a job for the month of July doing clinicals for the CNA classes in Wilkes. (this will help pay for Becca's school since it is $100 more a month than last year) SO I will be going to NC on July 2nd til August 1st then back up here so I can take Chloe to her eye appt. on August 2nd. Busy Busy Busy. . . I am praying that it makes the time go faster.

As I was getting the girls ready for bed I noticed Chloe's left eye is draining and was slightly matted together so if it is still like that in the morning we will be going to urgent care to see what is going on.

OK so it is 11:34 and I am wide awake I will close with this verse as I hope that I will do as it says:

In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8

Day 13

Monday- - - started out pretty good kinda dreary though. Took Becca to school came home laid down with Chloe. OR called about my daddy's colonoscopy that there was 3 polyps removed but that Dr. T thinks that they are fine and does not need to see him back they will call him with the results. Then Dad got home and called to talk to me. Went to pick Becca up from school. Played with the girls. Got Becca's graduation pictures today and cried of course when I looked at them. Becca then pulled out her first loose tooth she looks so funny. She has another one loose right beside it. N came by for us to figure out our table for the Tea and Treasure meeting for MOPS this Thursday. It is going to be neat. I still have to write my testimony that I have to give. Both girls fell asleep so we grabbed a burger at wendy's for dinner. Then watched wheel of fortune, jeopardy, and dancing with the stars. Becca then went to bed. Chloe and I headed up 30 mins later. Becca said mommy I haven't brushed my teeth so we all brushed our teeth then she told me what she wanted to wear to school tomorrow so I went to get it in her room. When I turned around to turn the light off what did I see Becca had found some markers and had wrote and drawn all over one of her walls. I was scared to death that it was not going to come off (luckily Mean Green got it off). MP3 player and phone were taken away for tomorrow because of this. Then I was folding towels went to her bathroom to put them up and what did I find there oh that she had been playing with an ENTIRE bottle of hand soap and when asked if she had been playing she said no. (this was a lie so for this phone and MP3 have been taken away for a week and she must clean her room and playroom tomorrow with no back talking or fit throwing). I honestly don't know what I am going to do, but pray. . . Any ideas much appreciated. Did not hear from Chris today which is kinda sad. . .

I got on facebook after all this and this verse stood out to me as a reminder:

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” Lamentations 3:22-24
Everyday we start anew and must never forget this that our God is full of faithfulness and we are so BLESSED even amidst all the stress.

Day 12

So it has been a interesting weekend. Friday was a great day that included a 10 minute call from Chris, a babysitter for the girls, and a girls night for MOMMY! (hallelujah) I really needed it. MOPS steering had our final get together for the year and we all went out to eat at Olive Garden it was great to just go and be an adult and talk to some pretty special ladies. Got home took babysitter home and then snuggled in the bed with my two girls. (moments like these I hope to never take for granted) Saturday morning we got up we had 2 birthday parties at Chuck E Cheese (I do not like this place on a good day much less a Saturday) SO we got there at 11 and went and wished M a happy b-day and visited with Ms. K and Mak. Then it was time for Moses b-day party so we had to go and get with that group. Becca and Chloe both had so much fun. Chloe ran around and played as hard as Becca. Then it was time for Chuck E to come out and do the party thing so as I say with the other parents watching our kids I began to cry (yes at CC I cried) I just thought of all that Chris is going to miss out on by being out to sea and how these moments we can't get back. After having to drag Becca out of CC we came home and all 3 took an hour nap before Miss Bethany got here to watch the girls so I could go have some more girl time. ( I know this weekend spoiled me) SO I went to play Bunco- I had a great time and won the game woo woo. I got home to find that my wonderful babysitter had cleaned me downstairs, it is hard for me to keep it all cleaned and I was so blessed to have the help. Today we didn't make it to church for last night I found a massive rash on Chloe's bottom and she is not allowed in Kidville with a rash so we slept in and then went grocery shopping at Kroger. We came home had lunch - and Chris called so Becca and I got to talk to him for a few minutes. E-mail has been down so we haven't gotten messages as normal. Chloe took a late nap so Becca and I cooked dinner together pizza then we all had dinner together and then bath time and bed. I am thankful for my babies and my husband. I have learned in these 12 days that I miss and love him and wish that he was here but I have learned to value and hold onto the time that we do have together and not fight or bicker.

My scriptures for today has been and will be my verse to sustain me for the entire deployment and my life:

Romans 8:31-39 (The Message)

So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:

They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

SO if God goes before me and is willing to do anything for me why shall I fear. In HIM I put my life, trust, and faith.

Day 9

Today started out as normal however on the way to take Becca to school my cellphone rang but I was unable to get the call looking down my heart was so heavy for I saw that it was Chris. I prayed that he would call back and my phone would work 2 stoplights later he called back just to say good morning and check on us how good it was to hear his voice this morning the call was only 47 seconds but that started me day on a positive note.

We came home and Chloe proceeded to take her nap so I thought that I would be sneaky and get her eye patch on her however she had other alternatives and ripped it right off. She needs to wear these patches I have started noticing the worst eye (the right one) starting to turn in again. It hasn't even been a month so I am praying that this is the brain readjusting and that it will straighten back out. They were looking so good.

Becca is so excited for Graduation from kindergarten she will be Esther so she has earnestly been memorizing her part. . . she amazes me at how quickly she can memorize she is like a sponge. Her progress report came home and she got all S+ except for S in handwriting (which she struggles with neatness cause she is a lefty.)

So I went to get Becca from school, I let her play on the computer while Chloe took a nap and during her nap the phone rang and it was . . . .

CHRIS - we got to talk for 22 minutes it was so nice to just talk to my husband and tell him about our day. Becca got to talk to him too (though only about a minute she was too busy playing Star fall on the computer.) We talked and told each other that we missed and loved each other. . . This is so much harder than I thought it was going to be and this is only day 9 and I have around 30 weeks to go. . . This is like waiting to give birth. . .

In the morning I have MMO and I have a bit of running to do, then I have a steering dinner tomorrow night so I have gotten a babysitter for the evening and then Saturday I am going to a girls night with some girls from church for Bunco (if you haven't played it is so much fun). I have to make these times for me or I am going to get overwhelmed.

Tonight this is the verse that has spoken to me today.Why shall I fear what lies ahead for my Lord knows the outcome. May I be able to relax in the peace that He freely gives.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

Day 8

So today started out with me waking myself up at 4 am to a massive headache and at that point knowing that in 2 hours I had to get Becca up for school I couldn't take anything to knock it so I tool some Tylenol and laid back down. At 6:50 I got Becca up which was a fit in itself. She has really been acting out since Chris has been gone this time and it makes this time feel more stressful than it has to be. Chloe woke up smiling just as usual. She is a mess. We took Becca to school and before I could get out of the parking lot it began to rain. SO needless to say Chloe and I had to stay in the car when we got home til it stopped long enough to let me get us in without getting soaked. Chloe went back to sleep and I laid down with her. Then I got up and did laundry and made devilled eggs for a friend that had invited Becca over today for a play date. Needless to say I went to pick up Becca still with the headache and we went to the play date. I watched my children run and play in Holly's yard and even midst the fits Chloe was throwing I thought how truly blessed that I am. We got home and I tried to lay on the couch but headache still here I know that these are from tension/stress. I am praying that the ease up. I have not been sleeping well at all. I can't cut my brain off. I sleep much better when my Chris is here and how I miss him. Last week he got to call me almost everyday even for just a minute and this week I have had no calls and e-mail is so hit and miss. I miss him so much and wish that 7 months was already gone. Becca is preparing for Kindergarten Graduation and I am so excited to see the program I am just praying that someone will tape it and be willing to give me a copy so that Chris can see it. It hurts me to the core that he is missing out on some important things. However I am so thankful for his willingness to go out and fight for our family and country. I am a PROUD WIFE!!!!! I love him our marriage has not been easy but our Lord is faithful and when we put Him as number one and each other 2nd we can accomplish so much.

Well I am going to attempt this sleep thing again. I hope to make more progress this time I will close with this verse that gives me hope and heaven knows that I need to be refreshed:

"I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint. At this I awoke and looked around. My sleep had been pleasant to me." Jeremiah 31:25-26

Day 7

So I haven't found time to get on here til today. SO here it goes. Another guy from Chris' ships wife needed a place to stay from Saturday til today. I loved having someone to talk to however it is nice to have my house back to me and my girls for us to get some normalcy back. Chris has got to text me a few times each day however it is not the same as getting a hug or kiss or even to hear his voice. We got to go to church Sunday and that was awesome, my faith that God will be there for me whenever I call upon Him and that HE IS ALWAYS there keeps me going. Chloe began running a fever after church Sunday so days like that really makes you wish your partner was here with you even just for moral support. Becca's skin condition (whatever it is I think the doctors are morons) is really getting bad she has itched until she has bled. Today is the first day that I have not had a headache.

We are in countdown mode for Becca's summer to start there are 3 weeks and 3 days left of kindergarten. She has a birthday party to attend this Saturday at Chuck E Cheese (Lord please be with me Sat kids and CC scary huh).

I am so blessed to have my sweet girls even when they are acting up and not doing as they should. God is teaching me strength and perseverance. I used to pray for patience now it is strength that I pray for.

I have been deep in thought and prayer lately and have told God to use me as He sees fit. I am eager and anxious to see what He has in store for me.

I have learned this weekend to always be there to be a friend. We never know when someone else is going to need us to be a comforter to them.

So I shall close with this verse:

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4